Biolar II Disorder

Part of the reason I decided to start blogging is to use this blog as an outlet for my bipolar condition. It's part of me that I can't change, as much as I'd like to. So this is the first post about how much I dislike being bipolar.

It has put a distance between me and my family and friends. People think that this disease is a dangerous one for them to be around, although the real danger is to me. SO STOP FREAKING OUT, Y'ALL. (In case you're reading this.)

My kids, my precious children, see the difference between the Well Mama and the Sick Mama, and it breaks my heart. Both Anne and Jean were telling stories today about made-up characters. Both stories involved a mom who took lots of naps. Damn you, depression! And anytime someone is sick, my baby, Ruby, says they have to "go to the hospital." There's been too much of that around my house. Danny, my middle child, is hard to figure out. But in his rough and tumble way, I know he knows that I'm not altogether there for him.

My sweet, poor husband, Gaby, has been in the trenches since this past Summer. He's taken care of me, the kids, the house, his 60+ hour a week job, and everything in between. Essentially, he's taken our wedding vows out of the closet and used them to the fullest. He deserves more than his name tattooed on my arm to show how much I appreciate what he's done for me.

One day we'll get this disease under control, and I'll be able to resume a normal life. But now you know why "Being Rachael" is so hard.